Not Love
by njborba
Summary: Steve and Catherine try to cope with being separated.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own any rights to the TV series, _Hawaii Five-0_.

**This is a short-ish three part series I started writing soon after watching 4.21, for the first time. I hope to have the other two parts posted sometime later this weekend.**

**Please enjoy.**

* * *

**Not Love  
**Part 1

By  
N. J. Borba

* * *

The second time she called he was woken from a not-so-sound sleep.

Steve groped for the ringing phone atop his nightstand, swearing under his breath and wishing he'd silenced it for the night. He finally grasped it and managed to blindly hit the answer call button as he flopped back against the mattress, "Danny, we can't have another case," he groaned, "I didn't get home until a half hour ago and I just fell asleep."

"_I'm so sorry I woke you_."

His eyes opened wide as he shot up into a seated position, the sheet bunching around his bare waist, "Catherine?"

Her voice was practically a whisper, "_I wasn't even thinking about the time difference, I just…_"

He rubbed the heel of his hand against his eye. She sounded wearier than he felt. Steve did a quick calculation and determined it was afternoon there, "I didn't expect to hear from you again," he finally said, "So soon." It had been two weeks, two of the longest weeks of his life.

Silence filled the line and he pulled the phone away from his ear, checking to see if the call had disconnected.

"Cath?" he put it to his ear again and finally heard the very distant sound of her breathing. "What's going on?" Steve really wanted to ask what was wrong but he resisted.

"_Just a bad day, I…"_ Catherine paused, _"I had to hide out most of last night and into today. It's getting harder to stay out of sight just wearing this scarf around my head. It's pretty obvious I'm a Westerner traveling alone and," she took a deep breath, "And I probably shouldn't have even bothered you with this call_."

"You can call me anytime," Steve was quick to assure her. "Where are you now? When you said across the border I assume you meant…"

"_Pakistan_," she confirmed, "_Slipped through last week_."

He nodded, "You swung south, crossed over the Kunar River and up into Arandu."

That caused her to chuckle softly, "_Are you tracking me from Oahu?_" Catherine wondered.

"No," Steve massaged his neck with one hand, trying to relax the stiff muscles there, "I just happen to know that's the best route from where you were in Badakhshan province. I know that track fairly well, was once in charge of a supply convoy that passed through there heading the same direction. We were due further south, though, where…" he trailed off.

"_I'm guessing when you say supply convoy you mean highly classified op which you can't really tell me about_," she deduced.

"Nobody likes a showoff," Steve gently teased.

"_Takes one to know one_," she enjoyed the brief moment of levity, knowing no one else could help calm her nerves like he could. Catherine swallowed, "_Steve, we should probably keep the calls short. Finding places to recharge my battery is tricky. And even though my sat-phone has voice encryption, someone might be monitoring your cell. I know there was some trouble after they rescued you and I don't want to put you in danger, at least not any more than…_"

Steve nodded, hearing the unspoken words, "Yeah," he reluctantly agreed. "Listen, Catherine, I hope it's okay if I tell you…"

"_No, don't say it again yet_," Catherine stopped him. "_I want to keep savoring the first time a little longer_."

He smiled, lying back against the bed, "I was just going to say… I miss you."

She chuckled softly, "_I miss you, too_."

000

Her third call worried him.

"Hello?" he cautiously answered the unknown number, pacing barefoot around the living room.

"_Steve, I found…_" the connection was lousy, static, cutting in and out, "_Should be able to stay here for a while, but… battery on my sat-phone is… I don't know if…_"

He heard a click, "Catherine?" Steve tried to get her back, "Cath?"

The line was dead.

Steve hung up, but waited. He stood there for nearly a half hour just staring at the phone, hoping it would ring again. Finally he walked to the back door, glancing outward and up at the night sky. He remembered the last time he'd seen her in his backyard. It had been the night her friend Amir called. She had looked so worried that night as she'd frantically tried to get the call to reconnect. And he'd felt helpless seeing her like that. He felt helpless again.

A star streaked across the sky, causing him to sigh. "Take care, Catherine," he whispered.

000

The fourth call didn't come for months. Four months since she'd left. Since he'd left her on her own.

"Danny, just stop being such an ass about this. I'm leaving," Steve marched toward the truck, reaching into his front right pocket for the keys. He was pissed. And mad at his self as he fumbled the keys. They skittered across the pavement and got lost somewhere beneath his truck. "Great," he mumbled, "Now look what you made me do."

"I didn't drop them," Danny stood by as he watched his friend get down on his belly and shimmy beneath the Silverado. "And maybe I'm an ass, though I'm still not sure why, but you're the one acting like a child… just storming off like that. Not to mention, rude."

"If you hadn't roped me into this… this…" Steve huffed as he grasped his keys and backed out. He stood and faced his friend, "Why did you even think this would be okay?"

Music from the restaurant could be heard behind them as they stood in the parking lot.

The detective shrugged, "I don't know, maybe because a man whose advice I take seriously…" he watched Steve's brow raise, "Yes, occasionally I do take you seriously," Danny confirmed, "Trust me, no one was more shocked to find that out than me. Look, you said to me not so long ago that I should try to find some happiness, right? And I have with Amber. I took a risk and I'm happy. I just figured you might want to share in that happiness with me."

Steve frowned. "By being set up with some friend of Amber's?" he shook his head.

"It was not a set up," Danny replied, "I just thought maybe it was time for you to realize…"

"Realize what, Danny?" he challenged, "Catherine is coming back. She'll be home and you… I guess I expected a little more support from you."

"Maybe I'd lend support if you cared to talk to me, or let me get a word in," Danny shot back, "But you don't. You don't talk about it, you don't talk about her. She's my friend, too. You think I don't care about what's going on with her?"

"You said she was a big girl and could take care of herself," Steve reminded him.

Danny sighed, "Yeah… yes, I did. I was a little pissed at her right then while looking at your nearly dead body, which happened because you were over there helping her. She made her choice, Steve, and it didn't include you. She took off on this foolish mission, so you can't sit back and blame me for being a little upset at her."

"No, Danny," he disputed, "It included me. She told me she was better off on her own to protect me." Steve shook his head, "Maybe if you understood about duty and honor… Amir and his family saved Catherine's life, twice. That's huge, Danny. That's a life debt. But, screw you if you can't understand that," he nearly ripped the door off its handle, jumped inside and turned the engine over, roaring out of the parking lot, leaving his friend behind.

The living room was dark and empty again as he arrived home.

He grabbed a beer from the fridge and walked outside, down toward the water.

Moonlight cast a shimmer over the ocean. His cell phone rang.

"I'm sorry," Steve answered.

"_For what?_" she asked.

"Cath?" his heartbeat quickened, "I thought you were Danny."

"_That is something to be sorry about_," Catherine joked. "_How's Danny doing?_"

"He's mad at you," Steve let slip.

There was a short pause before she said, "_I'd probably be mad at him if he'd left you in a foreign country to die_," she admitted.

"Hey, that's not what happened, Catherine," Steve tried to comfort her through a phone line, thousands of miles separating them. "I told you to take the kids, keep them safe. I would've done the same thing if things had been reversed," he declared, "You know I'm right."

She sighed then laughed softly, trying to keep herself from crying, "_I know, I just… every time I try to fall asleep out here I keep seeing you on that road. You shot that man to save my life and then… having to sit there and watch them as they…_" Catherine took a deep breath, trying to steady her voice, "_I haven't prayed in a long time, Steve, you know that. Not since the days when my mother demanded that I pray every Sunday_."

"And you always stood up to her, protested," he remembered her telling him once, "Saying no one could command another person to pray."

"_Yeah_," she bit her lip, reconfirming that nobody else knew her like he did, "_But when I watched those men haul you up into the back of that truck, I… I prayed, Steve. I prayed to any God that would listen. Please, please just let him be safe_," Catherine whispered.

Steve sunk down onto the lawn, his feet touching the sandy edge. He sat his beer aside and closed his eyes. "I'm safe, Cath," he assured her. "Have you located Najib?"

"_No,"_ Catherine regrouped, _"But we've narrowed down his location to about three different places in Northern Pakistan_," she revealed.

He was suddenly more curious than worried, "We?"

"_It's been a while since we last talked_," Catherine realized, "_Amir hasn't been able to leave his home, partly because he doesn't want to leave Farah alone, but also because Taliban soldiers are watching that area very closely now. Yet he's managed to organize troops for me. Well, they're not so much troops as they are civilians willing to fight_."

His worry radar was nearly off the scale now, "Cath, it sounds way too dangerous."

"_You think I don't know that?_" she sighed, "_These men Amir has sent to me, they're fathers, older brothers, uncles and even grandfathers of the boys we helped rescue four months ago. They want to find the men responsible. They're tired of sitting back and allowing these things to happen_."

"I don't want to argue with you about this, because I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be on the winning end of that discussion. But you know you're not in the Navy anymore, Cath," he shook his head, realizing he was stating the obvious, "You're out there without any backup if things go sideways and I know that's how you want it, to keep a low profile, but... I'm worried," Steve finally gave it to her straight.

"_Wouldn't expect anything less_," she responded with a serious tone.

He wished he could see her face because he knew she was probably smiling in spite of it all, always trying to stay strong for him, "You have to go, don't you?"

"_I should_," Catherine answered, not wanting to drag out the enviable. "_I have men willing and able to fight, but it's going to take a lot to turn them into soldiers. I'll try to call again as soon as possible. But until then, promise me something?_"

"Just name it."

"_Apologize to Danny for real, make up, forgive him for whatever he said or did_," she instructed, "_And then tell him I miss him_."

Steve nodded, "I will," he smiled, "And you tell that crazy former Navy lieutenant over there to stay safe."

She laughed quietly, "_Roger that_."

* * *

**To be continued…**


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I do not own any rights to the TV series, _Hawaii Five-0_.

**Thank you all for reading, and especially for your kind comments. Glad you enjoyed the first bit of this short story. I really hope to have Part 3 finished for you by tomorrow.**

* * *

**Not Love  
**Part 2

By  
N. J. Borba

* * *

The fifth time she called him there was snow on the ground in northern Pakistan.

"No, come on… please don't do this to me right now," Catherine groaned as the motorcycle sputtered and stalled, the headlight winking out and plunging her into total darkness.

With a weary sigh she propped the bike and fished a flashlight out of her pack. Catherine pulled the scarf a little tighter over her ears and around her neck before slowly and carefully walking the motorcycle to the side of the road. She was mindful of the icy conditions, knowing she shouldn't have been traveling at night in the first place. Thankfully, the road abutted a sizable slope and it didn't take her long to find a good place to camp.

A fierce wind kicked up as she settled in beside a concave area in the hillside.

"Better than nothing," Catherine whispered, wrapping a large wool blanket around her shoulders and down over her butt to keep her core warm. With the motorcycle sandwiching her against the mountainside most of the wind cut around her, although not enough to keep her from shivering.

Several minutes later she clutched the sat-phone in her left hand and dialed the familiar number.

"_Hello?_"

"Steve, it's me," Catherine tried to keep her voice relaxed, not wanting to reveal that she'd been trembling a moment before he'd answered. She heard him sigh; a cross between relief and longing that broke her heart all over again.

"_Megan has a boyfriend_," Steve announced.

She was instantly confused, "Steve, who are you talking about? _What_ are you talking about?" Catherine sought some clarification.

"_Megan Marshall, Amber's best friend_," he replied, "You remember _Amber, Danny's girlfriend_."

"Yes, I remember Amber," she actually laughed, glad for the distraction from her current predicament. "But I don't know anyone named Megan Marshall, do I? Should I?"

He backed up a little, "_Didn't I tell you about how I was upset with Danny the last time you called?_"

"Sort of," she nodded to herself, "You said he was mad at me."

"_Yeah, I suppose he was_," Steve recalled, "_Danny had asked me to have dinner with him and Amber. But when I showed up there was this friend of Amber's there, Megan. Two women, two guys… I jumped to the conclusion that Danny was trying to set me up on a date_."

A smile helped keep her teeth from chattering. "Danny might've been mad at me, Steve, but I can't imagine him doing that."

Steve sighed again, "_I know that now. But I was upset that night. I hadn't heard from you in several months and… well, I made some assumptions that were way off. Amber and Megan grew up together in Jersey and she was visiting at the time, but she had a boyfriend; sounds pretty serious. Anyhow, Danny finally explained to me that Amber was feeling a bit overwhelmed by meeting the whole Five-0 team at once, apparently we seem intimidating to her_."

Catherine's smile increased slightly, "I can understand that."

"_What do you mean? We're not intimidating_," he protested.

"You can be a little bit… never mind, so they weren't setting you up?" she tried to get him to continue, happy to hear his voice.

"_No,_ _Amber just wanted her friend there to even things out_," he further explained. "_And the only thing Danny was trying to get me to realize was that I needed to get out of the house more, to relax, not worry so much," Steve concluded, "I apologized to Danny like you wanted. And he said to tell you he misses you, too. The whole team does, Kono and Chin, even Grover. Did I tell you Grover joined the team?"_

"_You didn't," she laughed, doubting Grover missed her. Catherine was just glad to hear him sounding so upbeat._

"_Grace asked about you last weekend when Danny and I took her shoe shopping_."

"You hate buying shoes."

"_Sure, but I go with you, don't I? And I love Gracie._"

"I know you do," she whispered, "Steve," her thoughts drifted back a few seconds, "If you wanted to go out on a date with someone else..."

He'd never known her to be the type to need reassurance, but he gave it freely, "_Catherine, I don't. There's no one else_," Steve assured. "_Hey, we've done this long distance thing before_," he reminded her. "_I kind of think of it as a temporary additional duty assignment._ _Is everything okay there?_" he couldn't help worry about her state of mind.

"Everything's fine," she lied, "I'm just a little cold."

"_Where are you?_"

"We set up a base of operations slightly north of Chital."

A sharp exhale was followed by his shocked tone, "_Jeez, what are you doing that far north?_"

"Keeping that low profile," she explained, "Found an abandoned processing factory in a former mining community."

"_No wonder you're cold_," he realized, "_It must be snowing up there this time of year_."

"Not currently, thankfully," she closed her eyes, head resting against the rocky hillside, "We've been here since the end of October, running drills and monitoring Taliban activity. I've been gone a few days on a scouting mission south of here. Was just headed back when…" Catherine's whole body shuddered as a nasty gust of wind infiltrated her camp.

"_Catherine, where are you right now?_" he asked. "_It's really late there. You didn't make it back to your base, did you?_"

She reopened her eyes, "What makes you think that?"

"_I hear a lot of static, sounds like wind_," Steve guessed, "_Are you outside in the snow?_" the worry in his voice compounded ten-fold as he spoke those last few words.

"Ran out of gas on my way back, rooky mistake," she admitted, "Can't call base because I'm the only one with a phone. I'm only a few kilometers down the road, but it's too dark even with a flashlight, the road is icy, not safe to walk. And I'm exhausted. Shouldn't have been driving back tonight but I was longing for my sleeping mat in the semi-warm factory. At least I found a little spot here against the mountainside, mostly sheltered. Have the wool blanket Farah sent with me, and some food."

"_You have water?_"

"Enough to get me back tomorrow."

"_But you'll be hiking alone_," he said, knowing she'd still be traversing in cold conditions, "_I can't tell you how much I hate this, thinking about you huddled somewhere in the Hindu Kush with nothing but…_" Steve trailed off, "_This is crazy. I'm gonna get on a flight this afternoon. I can be there in about twenty-four hours, maybe less if Joe can..._"

"Steve, no," she stopped him. "You can't risk it. You know you can't."

He was about to protest but didn't, "_I hate this_."

"You already said that," Catherine shivered again, still waiting for the blanket to eventually counteract the chilly temperature, "I don't know how long this connection will last and I don't want to spend every phone call arguing with you. Tell me about Thanksgiving," she swiftly changed the subject, "Next week, right?" Catherine couldn't quite remember, her days and months blurring a bit, "Are you having the annual football game at the park?"

"_Not this year. Just doesn't feel right without you and_," he took a breath, "_Aunt Deb isn't doing very well. Mary is there with her round the clock._"

"All the more reason to celebrate," she insisted.

"_I'm sorry; it sounded like you just said celebrate?_" Steve was caught off guard by her remark.

"Yes. Go to California and be with them, Steve. Cook a turkey, the whole meal," Catherine smiled as she thought about last year's mishaps and heartache. It had still been a great holiday. "They need you. And you know Deb wouldn't want you and Mary to be depressed on her account. She'll probably start singing just to cheer you up."

"_I don't know, Cath_."

She wasn't afraid to push him, knowing he needed it, "I do know. Go be with your family. Family is the most important thing we have, Steve. The main reason I'm here is because of family, because I owe Amir's family a huge debt," she stressed, "And I won't give up until I've repaid it. But you already know that," she found that her body was finally starting to warm, "Besides, a ticket to California is a lot cheaper than a flight to Kabul, and we both know how tight you can be with money."

He actually laughed, "_Even thousands of miles away you're teasing me?_"

"Just trying to make myself miss you less," she revealed.

"_How's that working for you?_" he wondered.

Catherine sucked back tears, "Not so well. Steve, I should probably let you go. Sleeping will help lower my body's need for extra warmth."

"_Hibernation state, you're right_," he agreed. There was a long stretch of silence before he dared to ask, "_You still trying to savor that first time?_"

"Always," she replied, "But maybe it's about time you remind…" she paused, suddenly hearing dead air on her end. "Steve?" Catherine glanced down at the phone and groaned. "Out of gas and now a dead phone battery, if I believed in signs…" she sighed, tucking the phone into her pack and burrowing further beneath the cozy blanket.

000

Her sixth call wasn't made until after the New Year.

"_Where are you now?_" Steve asked, "_Stuck in a ditch, or maybe floating down river without a paddle, heck, probably without a boat_."

Listening to his troubled voice caused a chill to run down her spine. Catherine shivered even though this time she was fairly warm inside the old factory. She'd taken up residence in a smaller back room away from the men who had a crackling fire going in the main chamber, "What's wrong?" Catherine pressed her back against the stone foundation wall, sitting on the worn rug that she'd called a bed for many months, wool blanket and quilt covering her lap.

"_Nothing_," he responded.

"Don't lie, you're upset," she could hear it in his voice, "What happened?"

He blew out a breath, "_Aunt Deb passed away two weeks ago, day after Christmas_," Steve took a shakier breath before continuing, "_I'm sorry, Cath. I really didn't want to tell you over the phone_," he waited for a response, wondering if she was still there. Steve heard the hushed sound of her breathing and wasn't sure what to make of her silence, "_Mary's pretty much devastated even though we knew it was coming. She and Joan were here with me for Christmas when Aunt Deb passed. There was a hospice nurse with her, but… Mary hates to think about her being alone when she… but Aunt Deb had insisted that Mary come visit me_."

"She knew," Catherine finally whispered.

"_What was that?_"

"Deb, she… she knew it was time," Catherine was certain, "That's why she sent Mary away so she wouldn't have to be there for it. Deb wanted to spare her that pain," she understood, unable to hold her tears back. "Steve, I'm so sorry. I should've been there. I should be there now to…"

"_Nothing you could've done, Cath_," he tried to comfort her, "_I actually feel like her passing has made your mission make more sense for me. You're doing the right thing. What you said about family the last time we talked… you're exactly where you need to be_," he assured, "_We didn't have a formal funeral, she didn't want that. Mary and I spread her ashes out along Waimanalo Beach. Deb said it was the most beautiful place on the island and she wanted to be close to us here. Mary and Joan are staying with me for a couple more weeks_."

"That's good, they need you. They…" she couldn't stop thinking about sitting on that stretch of her favorite beach with Deb McGarrett, sharing the beauty with her. Catherine remembered the promise she'd made to the dying woman there. "Take care of them, Steve. They need you," she reiterated. "You and Mary need each other, all the time, but especially right now. Promise me you'll take care of her, okay?"

"_I will_," he agreed, "_Aunt Deb left something for you. I have it here at the house for when you get back_." Steve could hear her sniffle, "_You okay?_"

"Yeah, just… tired," Catherine was touched by how his concern so easily switched from Mary to her, "We've had some really long days."

He'd figured as much, "_How's the training coming along_?"

"A little better now," she replied, "It's been interesting. I've had some trouble getting the men to follow my lead. They want to help and they trusted Amir enough to join up, but Amir sent them all to me without exactly telling them I was… you know…"

"_What, a former U.S. military officer?_" Steve guessed.

Catherine actually chuckled at that, "No, he didn't tell them I was a woman."

"_Oh. I can see how that could make things tricky_."

"Conflicts have come up, some of the men not taking me seriously," she expanded, "Not like I can blame them, you don't just change a lifetime's worth of culture and thinking overnight," Catherine acknowledged. "So I started dressing like them and I… I changed my hair."

"_Keeping it pulled up regulation style?_"

"That wasn't enough. I cut it, a lot," she revealed, "There's not even enough to push behind my ear."

"_That's dedication," he replied, "Sounds like a pretty good strategy to me_," Steve responded in a positive manner.

She smiled, "As soon as I cut it most of the men realized how serious I was."

"_And it's just hair, right?_" he offered.

Catherine nodded to herself, "Hair means very little when it comes to finding Najib."

"_I agree. Hair is trivial._"

"So you don't mind that I look like a boy?" Catherine asked.

Steve grinned, "_I do like your hair very much, but it's not the most important thing I admire about you. And it'll grow back_," he tried to put things into perspective for her.

Catherine was buoyed by his encouragement, but doubts still plagued her. "I don't doubt that finding Najib is what I'm meant to be doing, Steve. But nothing eases the doubt in my stomach as I teach these men how to aim a weapon and pull the trigger. They were never meant for this. They're peaceful people. Most are farmers, potters and weavers. They're only here because the Taliban took their children and they want to fight back, but…"

"_War turns a lot of innocent men and women into soldiers_," Steve tried to rationalize, "_You didn't think it would be easy, did you? I wish I was there, Cath. I wish you had the entire Navy at your disposal. But you're going about it the best way. Those men wouldn't be there if they didn't have the desire. And I believe you're the right one for this job_."

"Yeah, well, I was trained by the best," she agreed.

"_You were_," Steve boasted.

"I was talking about the Navy," Catherine chuckled.

He laughed as well, thankful for the break from all the seriousness, "_When do you strike? Have you narrowed down the three locations to one yet?_"

"No, my scouting missions haven't yielded much so far," she explained, "And the snow cover hasn't completely melted yet. When it does we'll head south again. I'm hoping to strike the first location within the next few weeks. If we don't find Najib there we'll hit the second and then the third. And if he's not at any of them…"

"_You'll start all over again_," Steve understood.

000

The seventh call came about two and a half months later.

"_How'd it go?_" Steve knew something had happened.

"Nothing at the first location," Catherine relayed the news, voice a worn-out shell of her usual tone. "One of my men tripped a bomb. Three were caught in the explosion. Ahad and Hamid died instantly, but Mehrak escaped with minor injuries. It's scary how easily you can obtain weapons and explosives here. And how the heck did this go from me keeping a low profile to leading men into battle?" she coughed loudly.

Steve worried as he listened to her, "_Are you okay?_"

"Fine, just the dust here," she explained, "We're training in the lower lands now. Steve, I… I spotted Najib yesterday when we struck the second location. He saw me from across a field, but I don't think he recognized me. He was… he looked…" Catherine swallowed, "I watched him set an explosive charge before their convoy rolled out. We tracked them to a third location, different one than what we'd scouted. It's a fortress. And what if it's too late? Najib is helping them, Steve."

He heard her sniff, not sure if she was crying or the dust was irritating her, "_He might just be trying to survive, Cath. When do you hit the third location?_"

"Not for a week, maybe longer. I want to make sure Mehrak has recovered well enough to join us, and Amir says he has five more men en route. We're going to need them. I've scouted at least three dozen Taliban soldiers at the third camp. That's exterior guards alone. Double anything we've gone up against so far."

"_Do you need supplies?_" Steve asked, "_I could make a call. Not everyone over there thinks I'm a menace_."

"No, thanks," Catherine was grateful for his offer, "I have a friend still stationed in Kabul who's been helping me out, sending supplies when she can."

"_Good, that's good_."

A long stretch of silence settled over them.

Neither knew what to say, knowing no words could easily express what they were feeling.

"You'll, uh…" Steve wavered, "You'll let me know what happens."

"I will," her tone was positive; for his sake.

* * *

**To be continued…**


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I do not own any rights to the TV series, _Hawaii Five-0_.

**I must say that keeping this limited to three short parts was a lesson in restraint for me, but I managed! Thank you all very much for reading. I hope you enjoy the end.**

* * *

**Not Love  
**Part 3

By  
N. J. Borba

* * *

Her eighth call didn't come until early May.

It had been almost exactly twelve month since Steve had left Catherine on her own in Afghanistan.

"_Hey, it's me_," her voice carried clearly over the phone line.

He leaned heavily against the archway, facing his empty and dimly-lit living room for the hundredth-or-so time since she'd been gone, "Catherine?" Steve sighed with relief, not realizing just how worried he'd been until he heard her voice again. In a year's time they'd never once talked about her not making it back home, but that hadn't stopped Steve from worrying about it, "What happened at the third location? Did you find Najib?"

"_He's safe. He's home_."

Steve wasn't quite prepared for how he felt upon hearing those words. He honestly hadn't expected to hear them.

He'd never even met the boy but he was elated, and not just because it meant Catherine would be able to come home. "I can't tell you how happy that makes me, Catherine. I mean it. That is the best possible news," Steve couldn't stop smiling even as he asked the harder questions, "Is he okay?" he paused, regretting that working, "Never mind, I know he's probably not. But do you think he'll be alright, readjusting?" Steve didn't realize until the words came out that he was wondering the same about her.

"_I don't imagine it will be easy after what he's been through. But with parents like Amir and Farah… yeah, I think he's going to be alright," Catherine was confident. "I spent several days with them, going over everything that happened, helping Najib readjust, and making sure the men all made it home safely. I even tried to convince Amir to move his family after all this, he has a cousin in Kabul… but he doesn't want to leave the village. And as much as I'll worry, I can understand. Badakhshan is their home._"

He nodded in understanding as well, "And how about you, are you…" Steve stopped short of asking if she was alright, "When do you think you'll be…"

She laughed a little to hear him sound so apprehensive, "_When am I coming home?_"

"Yeah, that," he breathed out.

"_I am home_."

"You mean you're… are you already back on U.S. soil?" Steve was surprised, not expecting that news either. "Where, at your parent's place in Maryland?"

"_No, I'm home, Steve,_" she put a distinct emphasis on the word home, "_I touched down on Oahu about forty-five minute ago. My pack took forever to get off the plane._"

His whole body relaxed, though he was still trying to wrap his head around it, "You… you're on the island, right now?" Steve shook his head, not quite believing it, "Why didn't you let me know? I would've picked you up, brought you flowers… dropped you at your place."

Her heart skipped a beat to hear him mention flowers, "_I didn't want to go to my place. I just wanted to come home_."

Steve's brow bunched, "I don't understand, where are you right now?" he asked.

"_Aloha_," she replied, a soft chuckle uplifting her tone.

"Aloha?"

Catherine laughed outright, amused by how disoriented he sounded. She knew it wasn't easy to fluster him, "_Turn around, Steve_."

"What," he was still rather disoriented.

"_Turn around and look out your back window_," Catherine instructed.

Steve's brow furrowed, "How do you know I'm not already facing my… how do you even know I'm at… home…" he trailed off.

When he finally did as she said, Steve turned and thought he saw some sort of movement down on the beach.

He kept the phone against his ear as he walked toward the back window and peered out into the shadowy night. His hand was on the doorknob in an instant and he stepped outside onto his lanai, staring into the darkness again as a figure came into view. "Is that you?" he asked over the phone line.

"_Beautiful night for a walk_," she nodded.

"Yes…" Steve was somewhat hesitant as he remained rooted, eyes still adjusting to the darkness, "Yes, it is."

She stood along the edge of the beach facing him, having taken her shoes off to feel the cool sand beneath her toes. The shoes were propped against her pack which was resting on the edge of the lawn. "_Sorry I didn't call sooner, I wanted to surprise you_," Catherine spoke through her sat-phone even though she could see him standing outside the house.

"Mission accomplished," he took a small step toward her, watching as the moon highlighted her short, dark hair.

"_Are you okay?_" Catherine asked, "_You look a little shell-shocked, I should've warned you_," she whispered, still talking to him through the phone as she stepped onto the lawn, slowly closing the gap between them. "_I've woken up from this dream a few times over the last few months,_" she confessed.

He nodded, "So have I," Steve continued toward her, cell phone still at his ear.

Her smile brightened with each small step that took her closer to reality.

They each stopped when only a foot of night air separated them. After a year apart that small pocket of space seemed like a huge chasm.

"Catherine, I…" Steve spoke into the cell phone even as he reached for her, "I like your hair," he grinned, fingertips brushing against a few silky smooth strands of hair as moonlight highlighted her almost-shoulder-length locks. "It's grown out."

A tear slipped down her cheek as she nodded silently. She felt a bit foolish for it, they'd been apart longer and she'd never cried upon seeing him again. But a lot had changed over a year's time. And what they'd had before she'd left was bigger than anything they'd shared in the earlier years of their relationship. Catherine reached out to touch his chin, the sat-phone finally slipping away from her ear as she spoke to him directly, "And what is this beard you've got going on here, sailor?" she questioned.

He shrugged, "After I heard about you cutting your hair I decided to grow it out. You know, help balance the world's hair proportions."

"You've gone a little crazy," Catherine laughed through her tears.

"I was starting to think that before you walked back into my life," Steve lowered the cell phone to his side, his other fingers brushing away her tears.

Finally both his arms wrapped tightly around her shoulders, clinging to her more vehemently than after she'd been taken by El Condor. Her arms snaked around his waist, cheek pressed against his shoulder, lips softly caressing the warm pulse at his neck. Steve listened to the reassuring sound of her breathing as his fingers slid through the short hairs at the back of her neck. Her hands moved upward to rest at the base of his neck.

After a short while they separated a little, just enough to close their eyes and allow their lips to try and convey how much they'd missed one another.

The kiss was brief compared to the way they embraced again, hanging on for dear life.

"I'm so tired," Catherine finally whispered after they'd been standing there for over twenty minutes.

"I bet," he empathized. Steve took a small step away from her as he suddenly realized he was still clutching his cell phone with one hand. He pocketed it before he noticed the sat-phone in her grasp, the screen still lit up," Maybe…" he reached for her phone, "Maybe we should turn this off, don't want to waste any more battery power."

Tired as she was, her smile lit up the night sky upon hearing that comment. She prayed they'd never have to live phone call to phone call again.

"I need a shower," she glanced over her shoulder to wear her pack was lying, "All my stuff is filthy." Catherine turned back to him, "I can't even remember the last time I shaved my legs or brushed my teeth properly. I think I chewed an entire pack of gum on the flight here. I've been on the move for the last forty-eight hours. After I left Amir's family I had a heck of a long trip. Not the easy route Joe White arranged for us there. I feel like I could sleep for a week, to start."

He left her side for just a moment as he dashed across the yard and retrieved her pack.

Steve took her hand, swinging it toward the house, "Stay here tonight. I have a shower and I'm pretty sure you still have a razor here. There's even an extra toothbrush in the bathroom cabinet, never used. Mary bought two the last time she was here, not even sure why," Steve shrugged, "And you can wear something of mine, a t-shirt or…" he wasn't ready to let go of her yet, "Just say you'll stay."

"Okay," she hadn't needed much coaxing.

000

Catherine looped the sash around her waist and tied it, his dark blue robe hanging off her frame as she entered the dining area.

"Sit and eat," Steve pulled out a chair and put a plate of food down in front of her, "I didn't have much in the kitchen, wasn't expecting company. Eggs and freezer waffles, orange juice," he pointed out each item, "I can run to the store if there's something specific you want."

"No," her head shook as she slid into the chair and glanced at the food, "I'm not really that hungry."

"But you need to eat something," he insisted, "You've lost weight," his words were not a question as he sat down across from her, "Ten or fifteen pounds," he guessed, watching her nod in agreement as she cut into a waffle. "Felt like I was hugging bones earlier. You were too skinny before you left." Steve took a piece of toast and bit into it as he watched her, worried by how quickly she consumed the waffle after just saying she wasn't hungry.

"You should see a doctor, could have some sort of tape worm or parasite," he said, "There've been several reports on MERS cases popping up in the States."

"I don't have MERS, or a tape worm," Catherine smiled while taking another bite.

"Still, you should see a doctor. You've been gone for a year."

"Yes, mom," she rolled her eyes at his comment.

"You talk to your parents while you were gone?" Steve wondered, chewing his toast slowly.

Catherine slowed down a little, too, clearly not realizing how hungry she'd been, "Once. I told dad what was going on. He covered for me with mom. She would've been pissed."

Steve nodded, "Good moms worry."

She looked him in the eye, "You heard from Doris this past year?" Catherine realized it was something neither of them had mentioned during their brief phone calls.

His back straightened a little, "We can talk about that some other time. Right now I just want to sit here and watch you eat."

"That's not creepy at all," she grinned, perfectly fine with letting the Doris topic slide, "I don't think I've ever eaten better scrambled eggs than these." Catherine held her fork in the air, pointing it at him. "What's your secret for getting them so light and airy?"

He smiled, "Do you have any idea how much I've missed you?"

000

She sat on the sofa in the dark living room, legs curled beneath her. Catherine was exhausted but wide awake.

The stairway light flicked on and she turned to see Steve making his way down. "I woke up and you were gone."

"Sorry," Catherine chewed her lip, hearing the distress in his tone, "I had trouble sleeping and I didn't want to bother you."

He sat down beside her and she pressed herself against his side, his arm slung over her shoulders. Steve gently kissed her temple, "I heard you mumbling something in your sleep. Sounded like a name… Zalmai?"

A nod was given as she swallowed a lump in her throat.

"You found a new boyfriend over there?" he tried to joke, but instantly saw regret flash in her dark eyes. Steve could tell something was bothering her, "Talk to me, Cath. We don't have to worry about dead phone batteries or voice encryption."

Catherine sighed, "I probably should've gone to my place tonight. Didn't mean to wake you, I don't want to put this all on you."

"I haven't slept that well this past year," he admitted, "What's one more night?" Steve shrugged, hoping to get her to relax, maybe even open up. He knew there was a lot that had gone unsaid over the year, their few brief conversations had barely breached the surface. After several quiet minutes, Steve sat forward and thought of a new tactic, "I think I might have something to help," he let go of her, stood and walked across the room.

Steve grabbed something off a shelf and then rejoined Catherine on the sofa. He handed the item to her.

"What is this?" she glanced down at the emerald green cardboard for a moment before realizing it was a seven inch vinyl record. She flipped it over and read a simple label, "Deb McGarrett," Catherine turned her eyes to Steve again, "She recorded a single?"

"It's a demo of _I Got the Sun in the Morning_. Aunt Deb recorded it just before her tour got canceled and she took Mary in," he watched as she pulled the record free of its sheath. "I know it's not Chicago, but I remember when we all went to the club to listen to her sing. I remember the smile on your face as you listened to her. You seemed so happy that night, relaxed," Steve recalled, "Deb remembered you had a record collection and she wanted you to have that. It's the only one of its kind."

"This is…" Catherine was a bit overwhelmed, "It should go to you or Mary. It should stay in the family."

"Aunt Deb wanted you to have it," Steve stressed, "You are family, Cath. Deb considered you family," he let her know, "The last time I saw her was the day after Thanksgiving. She and I had a long talk that morning about a lot of things, but mostly you. Aunt Deb said she knew you'd be back. And she told me to hang on to the good thing I had, never let go."

Her fingers gently rubbed along the edge of the black vinyl.

"There was this boy in our group, Zalmai. His nickname was Kouchak," she spoke softly, the memories still raw.

"Doesn't that mean small?" Steve identified the word.

Catherine nodded, "He was twenty; not really a boy. But he was shorter than me; small and scrappy. The youngest boy you helped me rescue, Sahar, he was Zalmai's cousin. Zalmai joined me in the first wave of men Amir sent. He and I were instant friends, he never challenged my authority, always eager to help in any way. He sort of flirted with me, which was completely inappropriate," she smiled, "He told me how sorry he was that I'd cut my hair because he thought it was the most lovely hair he'd ever seen. He was a charmer."

"Sounds like he was also a bit of a rebel," Steve noted.

"Absolutely," she smiled again, "He told me how much he wanted to visit the U.S. and become a musician. He and his friends often spent time singing American pop songs. Zalmai wanted to be a drummer, wanted to live in LA and travel with a band."

He couldn't help notice how she kept referring to the young man in the past tense. "What happened?"

"The third raid was the most difficult. I had men stationed around the perimeter, but we had to get inside the compound before we found Najib. Zalmai was very serious about the cause. He, along with two other men, Nabil and Hessami, were the three I took into the compound with me. We quickly realized the interior was housing many boys taken by the Taliban, not just Najib. They were sleeping when we got inside, confused by what was going on. Zalmai calmed them, even started singing a traditional Afghan song to reassure them. It took me a while to convince Najib who I was. He was scared at first, but when I reminded him of the soccer ball he actually hugged me."

She took a deep breath. "At that moment I felt like it had all been worth it. But it wasn't over yet."

"Getting out wasn't as easy," Steve guessed.

Her head shook, "We were leading the boys out of the compound. I was in front, Hessami and Nabil in the middle. Zalmai stayed at the back. For all his joking around and singing, Zalmai turned out to be the best gunman I had. He was helping one of the younger boys who couldn't run as fast when Taliban soldiers clipped him in the leg. Zalmai pushed the boy through the doorway toward safety but another Taliban soldier shot him in the back, through his chest," she sighed, "When he didn't come out with the last boy, I…"

"You went back for him," he was already sure.

A nod confirmed it, "I had to drag him the rest of the way out, but I couldn't leave him there to…"

Steve immediately flashed on Freddie, the way he'd left his friend behind. It had been different, though. Freddie had been a trained Navy SEAL. Zalmai had just been a young man trying to defend family, "He didn't make it, did he?" Steve gently asked.

"We got him on the truck and the men drove us through the night, across the border and into Kabul. But about halfway there Zalmai clutched my hand. He looked into my eyes and asked me if all the boys were safe. I assured him they were. No one else had gotten hurt, all the men escaped, all the boys, Najib…" she gulped, "Zalmai smiled and told me that he was glad my face would be the last thing he got to see. Then he started humming until his eyes closed."

He held her tightly, selfishly grateful that it hadn't been her lost in the fight. "You can't blame yourself. You knew the risks, Cath."

"We always do, don't we?" she sighed, "Every battle, every war… still doesn't make it any easier."

"No, it doesn't," he commiserated.

"I knew going into this I was risking _my_ life. I was prepared for that," Catherine glanced at the record in her hands, "I wasn't prepared for risking others. You, or the three men I lost."

Steve did his best to keep her grounded, "How many boys did you save?"

She bit her lip, "We found sixteen others at the compound. So including Najib, seventeen."

"And how many did we save from that convoy when I was there?"

"Eleven."

"By my calculation that makes twenty-eight young boys whose lives you saved. Twenty-eight rescued and only three casualties," he shook his head, "I hate to break it down into numbers like that, Cath, but that's not a horrible ratio."

"I still blame myself," she sniffed, "How can I not? I left you and went off on this foolish mission."

"It wasn't foolish," Steve understood what she was feeling, the doubts that always snuck in after a tour: Did I do right? Did I do everything I could've? "And you didn't leave me, you were here with me the whole time. And I was with you."

"Steve, how can you say that? I was gone for a year, we were separated."

"No, we weren't," he maintained, grinning as he watched her brow rise even further, "Okay, yes, _physically _we were. Separated by time and distance, but…" Steve calmly ran a hand over her short hair, "Not love," he flashed an encouraging smile, "You think I say those words lightly? When I said it I meant it, Catherine. And even when we're not together, we're together. I know you understand what I'm getting at."

Catherine calmed down, allowing herself to think a little more clearly. She finally nodded, "Yes."

"So whatever comes next, we'll be together one way or another."

She snuggled up even closer, head resting against his shoulder again, "I hope it's this way for a very long time."

"Me, too," Steve kissed her brow, "Out of curiosity, how many more of these life debts do you have hanging out there?"

Her dark eyes gazed into his, "Just one."

His head shook slowly and deliberately, knowing she was referring to the Taliban soldier he'd shot while she'd been freeing the children, "That one was wiped clean the second I saw you in the backyard a few hours ago," Steve assured her.

"I love you, you know," Catherine echoed the words he'd said to her a year ago.

"I love you, too," he easily responded.

000

"Oh, look… if it isn't Mr. I'm too sick to come into work for three days," Danny chided as Steve strolled into HQ.

Steve just grinned, stroking his clean-shaven chin, "What, you've never played hooky before?"

"Me? Well, yes, as a matter of fact I've played hooky more than a few times in my life," Danny admitted, "I just figured you weren't the type, and yet here you are smiling like an idiot and outright admitting you've been ditching work the last few days in order to what… sleep in? Goof off? What exactly does a super SEAL even do when he goofs off from work?" Danny wondered, "Rescue kittens from treetops?"

"Sleeping in," Steve nodded, "Yes, there was some of that."

Grover and Chin exchanged a look, "Something strange is going on here," the former police captain noticed. "I don't think I've seen you smile this much since… ever."

Kono chuckled, "You heard from Cath again, didn't you? Is she okay?"

"Why don't you ask her yourself," Steve replied.

"We would," Chin was quick to respond, "But you seem to be the only one she ever contacts."

"Yeah, sorry about that," Catherine said, announcing her presence as she stood behind them, having snuck in the back way while Steve had distracted them.

The others all turned around to face her, surprised to hear her voice. Mouths hung open for a moment as they stared at her.

"You're back," Kono was the first to snap out of her state of shock. She wrapped her arms around the woman, hugging her excitedly. "When did you get home?" she asked. One hand fiddled with Catherine's shorter hair, "Leave it to you to go battle Taliban soldiers in the Middle East and come back looking completely gorgeous."

Catherine appreciated the compliment. "I got home about…"

"Let me guess," Grover turned his attention to Steve again, "Three days ago? About the same time this guy came down with some mysterious flu-cold-malaria."

"Malaria?" Catherine questioned.

Steve shrugged.

Chin was the next to hug her, "I'd have given him a three _week_ pass if I'd known you were home." He let go and smiled, "Aloha."

"Aloha," she replied, squeezing Chin's hand.

Danny took a small step toward her, hands stuffed in his pocks, glancing down at the floor periodically, "You, uh… you look... I'm glad you're…"

Without allowing him to continue, Catherine simply wrapped her arms around him.

He easily hugged her back, "We good?" Danny whispered.

She nodded, "We're good."

When his cell phone rang, Chin apologized and took the call, walking toward his office. The rest of them chatted for a moment until he reappeared, "I'm sorry to break up this happy reunion," he looked to Steve, "That was Duke, HPD found a dead body in Halawa. House was ransacked."

"Sounds like a robbery gone bad," Steve shrugged.

"That's what HPD thought, too," Chin noted, "Until a few minutes ago when another dead body was discovered in Pearl City, house a mess. Probably not a coincidence."

"Do we have IDs on the bodies?" Steve couldn't help jump right back in.

"Just the one so far," Chin relayed, "Guy in Pearl City had a driver's license on him, Jason Hirakawa."

Steve nodded, "Chin, you and Kono head to Halawa. Danny and Lou," he turned to the two men, "Check out Pearl City for me. Catherine and I will run background on this Hirakawa, and see if we can get an ID for our second victim."

Catherine stood silently beside the computer table as he gave out orders. She watched the team follow his lead. When they were all gone, her gaze shifted back to Steve, "You just turned down a crime scene… two crimes scenes… to stay here and run background checks? I could've done that on my own."

His face was a combination of smile and thoughtful brow furrow, "You okay with this?" Steve wondered, "I didn't even ask if you wanted your spot on the team back? I have to admit we let Grover take over your office and there's only the five of them. But I figure I don't use mine much, so we could share."

She smiled, "Could we get matching desks and sit across from each other?"

"You're teasing me again?" his arms crossed as he tried to read her.

"According to you I was just TAD, right?" Catherine recalled what he'd said to her over the phone months ago.

"That's right," Steve confirmed with a slow nod, not quite sure where she was headed with that train of thought.

Her fingers danced across the computer as she typed in Hirakawa's name.

"Then we should get back to work," she concluded.

* * *

**The End**


End file.
